Love Me Tinder...

DISCLAIMER: this has nothing to do with the 1956 Elvis Presley hit which became a gold record before it was even released, and everything to do with dating from your freaking phone.

Let's fast forward 56 years later to when an appearance and location based app was created. Tinder. It seems harmless and easy enough. With our schedules being so hectic, having the ability to scroll through pictures and a quick fact or two seems like the way to go right?

Let's fast forward two more years to the Fall of 2014 when 1.2 billion Tinder profiles exist and 15 million matches are made a day. 15 million matches a day. Well shit, I've never won the lottery but the odds seem to be in my favor here, right? That sounds like a bucket of damn chum got dumped in the ocean and you're a shark. WRONG. Now sure, this can be a comforting reminder that other "eligible" singles exist within your radius, but don't we already know that? And do we really need to be judged AND rejected any further in today's society just based on our appearance? Haven't I, as a woman, dealt with enough of this bullshit every single day of my life? But I'm guilty of it too and if I swiped right, YOU'RE WELCOME because this girl's in the club and she choos-ay (club going up). We're all a bit social media obsessed as is and I'm literally exhausted just thinking about it, and even more exhausted thinking about all the DICKS I SWIPE PAST. That's your lead-in? That's your "Hello?" BOY BYE.

Love me Tinder? It's not looking great. I'm all for meeting new people and trying anything once (unless it's a  new cocktail then sign me up for 3), but must we have the same redundant conversation multiple times with multiple strangers. There should be a questionnaire you can just copy and paste. Let's be more efficient shall we? Mama's impatient. Having the same conversation at the same time with multiple people is mind numbi- OH SWEET ANOTHER DICK PIC. And then you meet the handful that don't offend your eyes, bore you to death or sexually assault you before dinner (I don't condone assault after dinner either but let's act like chivalry isn't dead shall we?) I like to call these dates interviews because I interview people as a crucial part of my career and I'm usually about one question short of asking these guys "What brings you here today?" Luckily, I have a filter, kind of. Sort of. That last part might be a lie, but I digress.

You meet, you interview, you hire or you don't. Few dates here, few dates there. Gain a little momentum so you don't get your ass back to swiping, but there's always this fact that you could be one bad date away from it all starting again. Tired yet? It's so easy and yet so hard.

You both know when either one of you gets bored it will take a few swipes to start over with someone new and you don't get that time back. But isn't this what you signed up for? You agreed to these terms of service.

Let's just be clear. You're mad because....? You're shocked it didn't work because...? You're astonished that you keep meeting men that want to take you home on date one because...? We swiped this into existence. We were only sitting across from this person in a private, yet social setting sizing them up because we picked them out of all the others. We both agreed "pre-meet" that we were physically attracted to each other. And had a few sentences of conversation. And you wonder why he's trying to order you for dessert. How incredibly depressing. I'm just trying to be reminded that there are singles out there that I find attractive and stimulating later in the game and he's thinking I'm aware it's the straight version of Grindr (no shade).  Neither one of us is wrong, but we both need to be corrected. Remember what you signed up for. Looks can be deceiving. That total babe who seems like he's so interested you wonder why you ever questioned the dating scene in the first place. The one who introduced you to mom after literal weeks? He could also be the one who smokes an ounce of pot every two weeks and broke up with you in a text because he's "too damaged."  #ITHAPPENEDTOME.

Anyone can sign up. It's free and there are a lot of guys out there more willing to show you their anatomy then their hearts. I saw more anatomy in 3 months on that site than in my entire life. Why you gotta be so cocky?  Pun intended. Tinder serves it's purpose (especially if you're cocky) so stop bitching about it. It puts you in contact with singles in your area that you've personally decided are your type. It doesn't do background checks, it doesn't call the ex for all the dirt and it sure as hell doesn't promise manners. You're bored and you want to meet new people? Have at it. You're new to town and want to meet new people? Go for it. Your career keeps you from getting out? Sign your ass up. You're fresh off a breakup and you need to be reminded that there are plenty of fish in the sea? Do it, because there are (just remember that you're the shark).  Remember though, whenever the options are limitless, you're limiting yourself. Love me Tinder? LEFT SWIPE.

Signed,

FMOTS

ย